It's been quite a while since my last blog...
I was at youth camp all last week.
Boy did God move the whole week!!
He worked in me like He never has before! It was truly the most awesome experience of my life!
I came home.
I don't know what it is but ever since I woke up Saturday morning the devil has been fighting me harder than I have ever felt in my life! I don't know what I'm fighting or what I'm struggling with but it's something huge. I have never felt this low in my life. The harder I try to fight, the harder it gets. The devil keeps trying to get me to throw in the towel. To give up.
But I will stand strong! I've come way too far to turn back now!
The Lord is my strength and in Him will I trust!
I went to a camp meeting service with some friends tonight. God was speaking to my heart the whole time. But yet it felt like no matter what I did or how hard I tried I couldn't grasp hold of it.
But on the way home, we were listening to some random mix cd of different songs. I can't remember the name of the song and the only words I remember are "Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen", but in the middle of it there was a guy talking. You wanna know what he said?
"The Bible says that JOY comes in the morning, but morning doesn't have to have an a.m. behind it. Morning is when you wake up and realize that God is right there with you through it all."
I got chills when I heard that. It was like God was reinforcing what I couldn't grasp in the service... if that makes sense.
That if I would just realize He IS beside me and He hasn't left me (Hebrews 13:5- I will never leave thee nor forsake thee) then whatever this wall is that is standing in my way will fall and crumble. I have to keep pushing and I have to stay strong.
I just feel so... exhausted. Spiritually. Like I've put my everything into praying for my family and trying to be strong for them and trying to set the example for them and I just poured out everything I had on them and now there's nothing left for me. Does that sound selfish? I don't mean to be, at all. I just need God to fill me so full of His Spirit that I have enough left over for me after I pour it all out on them.
Which means, I need to seek His face more. I need to pray more. I need to fast more (more than 20 minutes haha... for those of you who were at camp). And I need to read & study my Bible more. I LONG to get to that place where He is truly all I want and all I desire. To that point where turning back isn't even an option. The point where I fall so in love with Him nothing or no one else even matters. Where I'm not too nervous to pray at home because I'm scared my family might see.. I want to get to the point where it's just me and my sweet, sweet Jesus.
Call me crazy, radical, overboard, a freak.. they're all true.
I am CRAZY about my Saviour!
I am RADICAL for my Lord!
I am OVERBOARD in my faith in God!
and most of all..
I AM A JESUS FREAK!!!
"And the Lord said unto Joshua, This day have I rolled away the reproach of Egypt from off you. Wherefore the name of the place is called Gilgal unto this day." -Joshua 5:9